My Macy Ann:

Beautiful. Deep dark red. Faithful. Friendly. Loving. Stubborn. Relentless. Spunky. Playful. Energetic and so much more. We miss you baby girl more than anyone can imagine, more than anyone will ever know. If I could turn back time…

We all still miss you Macy in our own way. It’s hard to believe that you have been gone now for 2 months, but yet it seems longer.

The kids miss you running with them outside, giving you treats and chews because you were always so excited to get one! They miss taking you on car rides because the way you would hang your head out the window reminded them of ‘Wonder Dog.’ Daddy misses you because you were so loyal to him and stayed by his side when he was home. He misses you lying in between his legs at bedtime (even though after he was fast asleep you would come join me in the living room watching t.v.) Chunky misses you in a way that he can not tell us. He mourns you more than anyone I’m sure. He has lost his best friend and his mother. His eyes often stay wet with tears. He doesn’t care to chew his chews or to mess with any toys. He still eats from his bowl the same way he did when the two of you shared it; grabbing a mouthful of kibble and dropping it on the carpet to eat (because you hogged the bowl). Piper now has no one to try to pick a fight with as Chunky’s just too laid back to do that.

I long to see you run to the pile of clothes in the floor freshly warm from the dryer burrowing in them and to hear the squeak of your favorite duck toy that is now safely put away in my dresser drawer. I miss my cuddle buddy at bedtime. It is awfully lonely now as Chunky doesn’t like to lay with anyone. I miss hearing your bark, even though at times I found it annoying. I miss how happy you were to see me when I would come home.

I’m sorry Macy Ann that this happened to you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this and I am so regretful everyday. I blame myself a lot and sometimes I can’t hardly stand it.

I know how you were with critters though. You loved to chase them and were relentless when you found one. Not letting up on leaving it alone. I remember when you found that big toad and tried to play with it in your mouth. I knew you weren’t going to eat it, but it didn’t know that. He gave you a taste of some nasty stuff but you still wouldn’t give up on making him hop as fast as he could go and trying to carry him off. Frothing at the mouth was nothing to you!

Then came the day, August 3rd , that you came across something far more dangerous than a little toad. We have never found the snake that killed you Macy but we do still look for it as Chunky & Piper act funny around the area of the shop, growling and their hair standing up. I can only imagine that you were really letting that thing have it.

I’m so sorry baby girl that I didn’t find you sooner. I’m sorry that the first asshole we took you to turned us away. I believe you would have made it if he had seen you. I’m sorry the second selfish bastard wanted his money before he would help you live. I’m sorry I didn’t grab my wallet or my cell phone when we left to take you to a doctor. All I could think of was saving your life. I’m sorry that he made me leave you there. I’m sorry that I missed his call on my cell even though I TOLD him I didn’t have it and we lived almost an hour away. I’m sorry that Mommy wasn’t there to hold you at the end of your life. This has been the hardest thing for me; knowing that you were in a strange place, in so much pain and I wasn’t there to hold you and talk to you. To hear that we had lost you…..just didn’t seem real. It felt like….I was watching myself go through all this and it just was a dream of some sort.

All we have left of you are the memories; from when you were just a tiny little 5 week old pup to when you were entering your senior years at 7 ½. You were cremated as I couldn’t bear the thought of burying you. It was hard to let them have you knowing that all we would get back was ashes. The girls picked your urn, a pretty little cherry box with paw prints on it. You now sit on the end table in the living room because I know how you loved to be where everyone was. Ashlyn has placed some tiny silk flowers on top and wrote a little book about you. Your collar still sits where it was the last time I took it off of you.

McKinnley believes that you have become a beautiful butterfly as they are always fluttering around the truck when we get ready to go on short rides and are taking Chunky. We like to think that is you telling us that you are here with us.

Until we see each other again my little fat girl, Macy Ann, I love you and miss you terribly.

Rest in Peace baby girl.